Standing Left of Center
Or does it just feel like I’m standing slightly left of the right? I guess it depends on who you ask.
This past weekend, I “came out” as an “ally” and affirming Christian on Facebook. This was in anticipation of an interview with my favorite AAPI Christian artist, Tim Be Told, for Season 5 of the podcast I’ve been co-hosting with the amazing DJ Chuang. I say “came out” (and please forgive me if I offend anyone with my ignorant or insensitive use of language) because it felt like I was hiding my affirming views of LGBTQ and queer people from the larger Christian community I am part of. I anticipated people would eventually let me know they were hurt, offended, or disappointed, and even that people would distance themselves (and their children) from me. This is nothing compared to queer people actually coming out to families and friends where the stigma of homosexuality as a sin is still oppressing queer folks/folx. But it felt like the same directional movement of coming out of the darkness into the light, to be seen and to be transparent.
Speaking with Tim was at once inspiring, challenging, and enlightening as he shared deep thoughts about his own journey, the concept of allyship (he prefers friendship, and “countrymen” over “allies”), and what it means for him to be out living and working as a gay Asian American Christian man and musician (he is SO much more than those identifiers!). I sat enamored with his authenticity, passion, wisdom, and depth of thought and feeling, grateful for the opportunity to sit and chat with someone whose journey has been so rich and fearless. It made me reconsider ideas of allyship, justice, friendship, and even change as we discussed the idea of “soul transformation” as core to the gospel and to the the conversations about justice.
So I’m sitting here thinking about where I stand. As of today, I have read but still have not signed the PAAC statement of faith because it felt too far left for where I am at the moment. I am committing to remaining as open as I can to listening and dialoguing with people who have different views (with the exception of my immediate family members because I get too triggered and emotional). DJ has been a wonderful mentor for my learning and exploring the idea/concept (“dream” because it hasn’t become a reality yet) of finding common ground and creating safe spaces for people to dialogue openly though they may have polar opposite views and values. That seems to anchor me closer to the center so I don’t drift left, as the currents around me tend to flow that way.
An interesting exchange I had with my mother was about our news sources. I’ve always prided myself on having a diverse news source (lol Apple News brings me Fox News, People, CNN, and Vice, etc.) but realized when listening to my mother’s sources how different our information streams were. I don’t care to start listening to more of her definitely right-wing and right-leaning news sources (largely Messianic Jewish and fundamentalist Christian and Charismatic), but I did subscribe on youtube to one Messianic Jewish (also a well-spoken, fair-minded, calm American and millennial) teacher she is a fan of. The value of trying to stay connected motivates me to hold my own views and beliefs less tightly and reminds me to hold onto people and relationships more tightly than ideologies and beliefs. I always thought the worst thing about the Civil War was that families were divided and brothers and fathers were shooting at and killing one another.
(TO BE CONTINUED